Why Asking for or Accepting Help Is So Difficult

Why It’s So Hard to Ask for or Accept Help

Have you ever felt that asking for help or accepting help offered to you is harder than it seems? This realization struck me while recording my podcast episodes. In nearly every discussion, I would eventually say, "If you're stuck, seek help for this topic." It sounds simple, but the reality is far more complicated.

That’s why I want to dedicate this blog to exploring why it’s so difficult for many of us to ask for or accept help. I'll share my thoughts and personal experiences to shine a light on this topic because I believe it’s something that resonates deeply with many people.

The Question of Debt: Why Help Feels Like Obligation

One reason why we struggle to accept help is the feeling that it puts us in a position of debt. When someone helps us, we often feel obligated to return the favor someday. This “give and take” dynamic seems unavoidable, and it weighs heavily on us.

But why do we perceive it as negative? Studies show that helping others makes us happy. Our brain releases dopamine, which gives us a positive emotional boost. Accepting help doesn’t mean being indebted, it’s an opportunity for both sides to benefit and feel good.

Dependence and Strength: Two More Barriers

Another challenge is the fear of appearing dependent. Some of us worry that accepting help makes us seem less independent. However, receiving help from friends or family rarely creates actual dependence. These are people we trust and who genuinely care about us.

And what about the idea that asking for help shows weakness? In truth, it requires immense courage to step out of your comfort zone and admit openly: “I can’t handle this alone.” Showing courage is a strength, and those who ask for help prove their resilience, not their fragility.

Early Conditioning: What School and Upbringing Taught Us

Many of us learned early on that seeking or accepting help was frowned upon. At school, the focus was often on individual work, with an expectation that we solve problems alone. Those who sought support were often not positively perceived.

Upbringing also plays a major role. As children, we heard phrases like, “You can do this yourself!” or “You’re already big enough for that!” Such experiences can create unconscious beliefs later in life that seeking help is a sign of weakness or failure.

The Five Love Languages and Their Connection to Help

An interesting thought I had while exploring this topic is the theory of the five love languages. This concept describes different ways people experience and express love: through words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

The love language “acts of service” fits particularly well here. Some people feel loved when others actively help them with a task. For them, asking for help isn’t just a necessity but a way to feel connected. Understanding this makes accepting help easier, not just as a practical solution but as an expression of care and love.

Note for parents: Do you encounter situations where your child asks for help with tasks they can already handle on their own? If that irritates you, remember that for your child, being helped can be a sign of love. In my experience, these phases come and go, and it’s beneficial to recognize and respond to them with connection and care.

Accepting Help: My Personal Experiences

I recently faced situations where I desperately needed help but struggled to ask for it. One example: My kids and I were dealing with a wave of sickness at home. During a particularly chaotic day, I wanted to enable my older child to attend an event, but couldn’t leave the house because my younger child was unwell.

After much hesitation, I finally asked a friend if she could accompany my older child to the event. Not only did she say “yes,” but she also offered to bring my child back to her house afterward to play with her kids. For my older child, it was an amazing day. My friend benefited as well, as the kids kept each other entertained, giving her some much-needed downtime.

This win-win situation wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t asked for help. It reminded me of how enriching and important it can be to seek support, not just for myself but for everyone involved.

The Worst Case Scenario: Hearing “No”

What truly holds us back from asking for help? Often, it’s the fear of rejection. Hearing “no” can be painful, especially when we perceive it as personal rejection. But even a “no” often has valid reasons, like lack of time or other commitments. It’s important to remember that a “no” doesn’t define our worth or the nature of our relationship with the other person.

Conclusion: Seeking Help Is Human

As humans, we are designed to live in groups and support one another. The idea that we must handle everything alone is unnatural and burdensome. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a demonstration of courage and connection.

The next time you face a challenge, remember: It’s okay to ask for help. It relieves you, strengthens relationships, and often creates win-win situations. You don’t have to do everything alone; that’s not what we’re built for.